The internet is loaded with websites and blogs, as well as, government
and academic research, detailing the effects of absent fathers on society. None
of these effects are anything close to positive. I just did a quick search and
headline scan on Bing.com and was amazed at what I found. Here are some of the
words that pop up: POVERTY, PRISON, JAIL, YOUTH INCARCERATION, HUNGER. Just skim reading the articles that are
available fills me with a huge sense of sadness at the seriousness of this
problem.
It’s a problem that feeds on itself. Our society is in a
deepening spiral. 90% of our prison population is male. 85% of them came from family
situations with an absent father. Guess
where that leaves their families? That’s right! Without a father! As more and
more children grow up without a father in their home and life they begin to
build their own lives and families based on the model they have experienced.
Boys become men who follow their father’s example and are absent in their
children’s lives. Girls grow into women who repeat their mother’s decisions
resulting in more children growing up without the healthy influence of a man of
character.
There are other causes of the absent father problem besides
crime, imprisonment, or promiscuity. Some elements of society would try to
convince us that single parent homes are not a problem. They want us to believe
that divorce doesn’t harm children. There is a cavalier attitude towards
children being born to young women with no husband or even a committed
relationship with the father of their child. Requiring child support payments
from the father, if he is forced, or even willing to accept responsibility, is
only a partial remedy for the poverty and hardship that will be faced. If you track the statistics, you find that unwed
mothers and their children battle tremendous struggles in life, financially, emotionally
and legally. Children without the benefit of a stable family unit are no big
deal, it is said. The facts do not bear this out.
Of course, the Absent Father Syndrome can also be the result
of a father who simply refuses to accept his responsibility to provide for,
teach, and train his children. This is the man who is preoccupied with work or
his own pursuits. This is the man who is around but not really there. He spends
his time doing whatever he wants, seldom giving his children the love and
attention they need and crave. When he does pay attention it is usually
criticize and castigate.
I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t punish
lawbreakers. Criminals must be punished.
Society must be protected from violent and otherwise dangerous people. I do not
believe that we should condemn or despise unwed mothers or children of single
parent families. I do believe we must begin to create a shift in the attitudes
and acceptable behaviors of society. We must reverse this trend for the health
and well-being of our society and our citizens.
I don’t profess to have all the answers. I don’t pretend
that this is not a complex, multi-faceted problem. But, there are simple
answers. One of the simple answers is
that we must recognize that this is a fight that will not be won quickly. Overcrowded
prisons and populations with more children born to unwed mothers than to
married women are problems that indicate serious societal decline. This will
not be reversed overnight. Another simple answer is for men to make a
difference in their own families and, at the same time, in the lives of fatherless
children outside their own families. Not easy, but simple.
What kind of man are you? What's your simple answer?
It's common knowledge that Southerners wave at those they pass on the highway. My wife used to ask me, "Who was that?"
