What Kind Of Man Are You?

The internet is loaded with websites and blogs, as well as, government and academic research, detailing the effects of absent fathers on society. None of these effects are anything close to positive. I just did a quick search and headline scan on Bing.com and was amazed at what I found. Here are some of the words that pop up: POVERTY, PRISON, JAIL, YOUTH INCARCERATION, HUNGER.  Just skim reading the articles that are available fills me with a huge sense of sadness at the seriousness of this problem.

It’s a problem that feeds on itself. Our society is in a deepening spiral. 90% of our prison population is male. 85% of them came from family situations with an absent father.  Guess where that leaves their families? That’s right! Without a father! As more and more children grow up without a father in their home and life they begin to build their own lives and families based on the model they have experienced. Boys become men who follow their father’s example and are absent in their children’s lives. Girls grow into women who repeat their mother’s decisions resulting in more children growing up without the healthy influence of a man of character.

There are other causes of the absent father problem besides crime, imprisonment, or promiscuity. Some elements of society would try to convince us that single parent homes are not a problem. They want us to believe that divorce doesn’t harm children. There is a cavalier attitude towards children being born to young women with no husband or even a committed relationship with the father of their child. Requiring child support payments from the father, if he is forced, or even willing to accept responsibility, is only a partial remedy for the poverty and hardship that will be faced.  If you track the statistics, you find that unwed mothers and their children battle tremendous struggles in life, financially, emotionally and legally. Children without the benefit of a stable family unit are no big deal, it is said. The facts do not bear this out.

Of course, the Absent Father Syndrome can also be the result of a father who simply refuses to accept his responsibility to provide for, teach, and train his children. This is the man who is preoccupied with work or his own pursuits. This is the man who is around but not really there. He spends his time doing whatever he wants, seldom giving his children the love and attention they need and crave. When he does pay attention it is usually criticize and castigate.

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t punish lawbreakers.  Criminals must be punished. Society must be protected from violent and otherwise dangerous people. I do not believe that we should condemn or despise unwed mothers or children of single parent families. I do believe we must begin to create a shift in the attitudes and acceptable behaviors of society. We must reverse this trend for the health and well-being of our society and our citizens.

I don’t profess to have all the answers. I don’t pretend that this is not a complex, multi-faceted problem. But, there are simple answers.  One of the simple answers is that we must recognize that this is a fight that will not be won quickly. Overcrowded prisons and populations with more children born to unwed mothers than to married women are problems that indicate serious societal decline. This will not be reversed overnight. Another simple answer is for men to make a difference in their own families and, at the same time, in the lives of fatherless children outside their own families. Not easy, but simple.

What kind of man are you? What's your simple answer?