It's Never Over.... Til It's Over

 I am amazed and inspired by stories of people who continue to try after failing over and over again. Colonel Sanders was 65 and had just suffered the failure of his business when he started Kentucky Fried Chicken.  The venerable Abraham Lincoln failed numerous times in his quests as a politician before winning political office. We celebrate those who earn their diploma or a college degree because it demonstrates persistence and achievement. The most exciting victories in a sports contest involve a team overcoming a large scoring deficit to finish victorious.

Friday evening my wife and I personally witnessed just such a victory. The Women’s Volleyball team at the University of Notre Dame played their final home game of the season. The Irish lost the first set by eight points. The second set was close, but Notre Dame lost by 3. I was sure it was over midway through the third set. The Lady Irish were down again 15-7. But then something changed. 

I don’t know what happened, but, point by point the scores inched closer and closer until they were tied at 20 apiece. I could feel the excitement of the hometown fans building as they began to believe their beloved Irish would survive to play at least one more set. 25-22 Irish. The next set wasn’t even close as Notre Dame won handily by 9.  The last set was hardly a contest and Senior night at the Pavilion was a huge success.

I found myself pondering the mental activities of the two teams. Obviously, the Notre Dame team did not give up. Half way through the third set, down by 8, momentum shifted. Suddenly I began to believe they could win the set at least. And win they did. I have no doubt they also believed they could win it. And sometime in the fourth set the Cincinnati Bearcats began to believe they might lose. At a point about halfway through the final set it appeared they knew it was over.  What made the Irish team believe they could win?  What kept them from quitting down 8 points in the third, possibly final, set? And what happened that the Bearcats lost faith in themselves?

Persistence happens in your head first. It hinges on how you think and what you believe. So how must you think, what must you believe, in order to persevere?  

"The Raven" and The Fly

I’ve been intrigued by Mr. Poe since I was introduced to “The Raven” way back when.  He has written numerous short stories with a similar dark and somber tone. ?The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Telltale Heart" are two more of my favorites.  If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Poe’s work I’ll give you a brief overview.

The Raven is a poem written to describe the deep grief and despair Edgar felt at the loss of the love of his life. In his gloom he is visited by a Raven who sits in his room and taunts him with the knowledge that “Lenore” is gone forever.  It is a tale that it is both spooky and fascinating.

The Pit and the Pendulum is about a prisoner strapped to a table in the center of a rat infested pit. Above the prisoner a pendulum swings. The weight of the pendulum is a a sharpened blade.  As  the Pendulum swings the blade inches lower and lower in a slow march towards cutting him in two.

The Telltale Heart is about a guilty conscience. A murder hides his victim beneath the floor. When the police come to question him he imagines that everyone in the room can hear the heart of the dead man beating still.

So late this summer and into early fall, the flies got really bad around here. The found their way into our apartment and tormented me mercilessly. Then though I managed to kill a lot of them, they were never completely eradicated!

As I was continually irritated by these annoying insects I began to experience a mood much as I imagine Mr. Poe may have experienced while writing many of his dark tales. I imagined myself in a dark, dingy, prison cell. Day after day I have lain in this depressing cell. So secure is this tiny room, I can get no sense of the outside world. I can’t even hear the footsteps of whoever brings my tray of food twice each day.

And then, one happy, glorious day, as the tray slides thru the slot…………. a fly rides in on the mashed potatoes.

“Hello, Fly! Nice to see you! Where have you been all my life?”

“Buzzzzzz!”

“Here, would you like more potatoes?”

“Buzzzzz!”

“How about a drink of water?”

How do you think I’m gonna feel when that poor fly dies of old age in a month or two?  

It’s all a matter of perspective isn’t it?

                                                

What Kind Of Man Are You?

The internet is loaded with websites and blogs, as well as, government and academic research, detailing the effects of absent fathers on society. None of these effects are anything close to positive. I just did a quick search and headline scan on Bing.com and was amazed at what I found. Here are some of the words that pop up: POVERTY, PRISON, JAIL, YOUTH INCARCERATION, HUNGER.  Just skim reading the articles that are available fills me with a huge sense of sadness at the seriousness of this problem.

It’s a problem that feeds on itself. Our society is in a deepening spiral. 90% of our prison population is male. 85% of them came from family situations with an absent father.  Guess where that leaves their families? That’s right! Without a father! As more and more children grow up without a father in their home and life they begin to build their own lives and families based on the model they have experienced. Boys become men who follow their father’s example and are absent in their children’s lives. Girls grow into women who repeat their mother’s decisions resulting in more children growing up without the healthy influence of a man of character.

There are other causes of the absent father problem besides crime, imprisonment, or promiscuity. Some elements of society would try to convince us that single parent homes are not a problem. They want us to believe that divorce doesn’t harm children. There is a cavalier attitude towards children being born to young women with no husband or even a committed relationship with the father of their child. Requiring child support payments from the father, if he is forced, or even willing to accept responsibility, is only a partial remedy for the poverty and hardship that will be faced.  If you track the statistics, you find that unwed mothers and their children battle tremendous struggles in life, financially, emotionally and legally. Children without the benefit of a stable family unit are no big deal, it is said. The facts do not bear this out.

Of course, the Absent Father Syndrome can also be the result of a father who simply refuses to accept his responsibility to provide for, teach, and train his children. This is the man who is preoccupied with work or his own pursuits. This is the man who is around but not really there. He spends his time doing whatever he wants, seldom giving his children the love and attention they need and crave. When he does pay attention it is usually criticize and castigate.

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t punish lawbreakers.  Criminals must be punished. Society must be protected from violent and otherwise dangerous people. I do not believe that we should condemn or despise unwed mothers or children of single parent families. I do believe we must begin to create a shift in the attitudes and acceptable behaviors of society. We must reverse this trend for the health and well-being of our society and our citizens.

I don’t profess to have all the answers. I don’t pretend that this is not a complex, multi-faceted problem. But, there are simple answers.  One of the simple answers is that we must recognize that this is a fight that will not be won quickly. Overcrowded prisons and populations with more children born to unwed mothers than to married women are problems that indicate serious societal decline. This will not be reversed overnight. Another simple answer is for men to make a difference in their own families and, at the same time, in the lives of fatherless children outside their own families. Not easy, but simple.

What kind of man are you? What's your simple answer?

Have I lost my Mind? Part II

It's common knowledge that Southerners wave at those they pass on the highway. My wife used to ask me, "Who was that?"

 "I don't know".

"Then why'd you wave?"

We do it without thinking. It's just part of the Southern culture. I've noticed tho, that we usually  do this more when driving through rural areas and small towns. You don't see people waving at random strangers in downtown Atlanta, for instance.

The conventional wisdom is that people outside the South wonder if you've lost your mind if you wave at strangers. I remember when I was a young child my Dad unthinkingly waved at some guy on a motorcycle in Lancaster, PA. He was rewarded with a middle finger salute. So I was warned before moving to Indiana that I would need to change my ways.

I'm sorry, I cant't help it. I just wave when I drive. Or if I'm just a passenger. I even wave at the Amish family riding by in their buggy. I'm so pleased when they wave back! I've even had people wave at me first! You can imagine my pleasure when that happens!

So, have I managed, by the sheer magnitude of my personality, to change the culture in Northwestern Indiana? I wish I could say that. It would be wonderful to have that kind of influence wouldn't it? I think the correct answer is that conventional wisdom is wrong. Sure, you go riding through downtown Goshen waving at everybody and you're gonna get some strange looks. You might even have someone wave back with an extended middle finger. But, out in the country-side, people occasionally wave at those they pass or someone driving by. It makes me smile and feel at home, especially when the wave is initiated by the other person. Yeah, I know, sometimes it's because they mistake me for someone else, but I'll take it!

There really are a lot of friendly people around here!

Relentless

Have you ever noticed that bad people never stop pursuing their wicked aims? The only thing that stopped Hitler's assault on Jewish people was the Allied Forces. Stalin oppressed his people until the day he died. Pol Pot was captured by His enemies immediately following a massacre he orchestrated. Idi Amin was finally stopped by his fellow countrymen who somehow found the strength to overthrow his government. More recently, several longtime leaders in the Arab world have been dethroned because people had had enough of their domineering, oppressive ways.




What stops good people?  Do good people have the same relentless drive to bless the people around them? Do they refuse to stop reaching out in love and kindness until they no longer have the strength to go on? 

Mother Teresa lived and died serving and loving the people of  India. Thousands of soldiers fight and give their lives to protect people they've never met from those who would oppress them. Social workers work long hours with huge work loads for meager pay because they care about little children and the elderly. Godly women volunteer every week in Crisis Pregnancy Center because they love women and the babies they are afraid they can't care for. That being said, I never heard of a Despot who suffered from burnout. 

There's another set of characters in this battle between good and evil. These are they who simply live their lives and never really take sides. These people are willing to tolerate a certain amount of  evil in the world. After all, there's not much they can do, they think. But they are so wrong! It is they who can break the stalemate. Those who are not in the game, who are doing neither much good nor much evil, can push either side to the tipping point. It is when these bystanders become so disgusted with the evil in their world that they must act that Evil is overthrown. Usually this means that Evil has grown large enough, strong enough to make them so uncomfortable  that they must act to save themselves. When things have reached this point Evil is so powerful that it cannot be overthrown without massive upheaval and destruction. Unfortunately, this means the good suffer greatly along with the bad.


President Kennedy said it so well when he repeated this quote. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”




Which way will you go?

Holy Cow! We're having a Baby!

We had an ultrasound the other day. WOW! Makes me smile just thinking about it. Seeing that perfectly formed little person moving around in there is pretty awesome. We could see his/her brain, his/her heart beating, even the four chambers of the heart! It's too early to tell whether we're having a girl or a boy, but the professionals could pick out other internal organs even though  Little Person Henry  is only about 4 inches long. Amazing!

My wife and I are expecting our first child. Those of you who have already experienced this probably remember the emotions: fear, uncertainty, anticipation,and excitement, that all first-time parents experience. Now its our turn. We are having so much fun thinking about how we'll raise our child, looking for the perfect name, wondering if it's gonna be a girl or a boy, debating parenting strategies, planning the future (Yeah, we know that's kinda silly but we can't help it.). We spend lots of time talking about what life will be like when the little one arrives. We're 16 weeks in and it's starting to sink in I think.

Honestly, thinking about being a dad is pretty scary. There's a person who's going to be counting on me to protect them, provide for their needs, teach them how to live life. On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to the challenge of being a father to the tiny person who is joining our family. What a privilege it is to guide a youngster on their journey to adulthood. I hope I never lose the sense of wonder and responsibility I feel right now.

I wonder what the experienced parents in our lives would say to us. I would love to know more about what they experienced as they anticipated their first child. I suppose its an odyssey everyone has to take on their own, but it seems like it would be so enriching to hear other people talk about what it was like for them to make the transition from being just two to three or more.

This experience is so deeply moving that sharing it with others will help us connect with people in a powerful way. Sharing these life moments involves a level of vulnerability that can build a bridge between people that would otherwise have very little in common. I wonder how it would change our world if we would take the risk of opening up to others our hopes and fears connected to this and other life changing events in our lives.

What would you say about your passage from couple to parents?  Feel free to leave a comment, brief or lengthy, in the comments below.

Would You Rather....?

Let's play a round of  "Would You Rather". Perhaps you've never heard of the game. It's a great party game that requires you to pick between equally undesirable situations and share with your friends the reasons for your choice. It's a little more complicated than that, but you get the idea. Today's topic: Would you rather have a serious illness, deadly and painful but curable, or a chronic illness, painful, incurable, life altering? If you stood at a fork in the road and had to choose one path or the other which would you take?

The one could kill you. Soon. You could be cured. It's gonna be painful, and expensive, but you have a 50-50 chance of making it. The other will be with you the rest of your life. It's gonna hurt. Bad. You won't die from it, at least not in the next couple of years probably.

Not much of a choice is it? If you've experienced one do you wish it had been the other? If neither you nor a loved one has experienced either which would you pick? It's an impossible choice.

Millions of people have the choice made for them. And they often display incredible strength and grace in the midst of it. This blog post is a tribute to those who are living, or dying, with an illness they didn't choose. They display courage, class, and dignity. Only those closest to them know the pain they feel, the frustration they experience, the fierceness with which they fight. They can teach us so much about perseverance and determination.

To honor these unsung heroes leave your own tribute in the comment section below. Thank you.

*photo from FreeDigitalPhoto.net