What Kind Of Man Are You?

The internet is loaded with websites and blogs, as well as, government and academic research, detailing the effects of absent fathers on society. None of these effects are anything close to positive. I just did a quick search and headline scan on Bing.com and was amazed at what I found. Here are some of the words that pop up: POVERTY, PRISON, JAIL, YOUTH INCARCERATION, HUNGER.  Just skim reading the articles that are available fills me with a huge sense of sadness at the seriousness of this problem.

It’s a problem that feeds on itself. Our society is in a deepening spiral. 90% of our prison population is male. 85% of them came from family situations with an absent father.  Guess where that leaves their families? That’s right! Without a father! As more and more children grow up without a father in their home and life they begin to build their own lives and families based on the model they have experienced. Boys become men who follow their father’s example and are absent in their children’s lives. Girls grow into women who repeat their mother’s decisions resulting in more children growing up without the healthy influence of a man of character.

There are other causes of the absent father problem besides crime, imprisonment, or promiscuity. Some elements of society would try to convince us that single parent homes are not a problem. They want us to believe that divorce doesn’t harm children. There is a cavalier attitude towards children being born to young women with no husband or even a committed relationship with the father of their child. Requiring child support payments from the father, if he is forced, or even willing to accept responsibility, is only a partial remedy for the poverty and hardship that will be faced.  If you track the statistics, you find that unwed mothers and their children battle tremendous struggles in life, financially, emotionally and legally. Children without the benefit of a stable family unit are no big deal, it is said. The facts do not bear this out.

Of course, the Absent Father Syndrome can also be the result of a father who simply refuses to accept his responsibility to provide for, teach, and train his children. This is the man who is preoccupied with work or his own pursuits. This is the man who is around but not really there. He spends his time doing whatever he wants, seldom giving his children the love and attention they need and crave. When he does pay attention it is usually criticize and castigate.

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t punish lawbreakers.  Criminals must be punished. Society must be protected from violent and otherwise dangerous people. I do not believe that we should condemn or despise unwed mothers or children of single parent families. I do believe we must begin to create a shift in the attitudes and acceptable behaviors of society. We must reverse this trend for the health and well-being of our society and our citizens.

I don’t profess to have all the answers. I don’t pretend that this is not a complex, multi-faceted problem. But, there are simple answers.  One of the simple answers is that we must recognize that this is a fight that will not be won quickly. Overcrowded prisons and populations with more children born to unwed mothers than to married women are problems that indicate serious societal decline. This will not be reversed overnight. Another simple answer is for men to make a difference in their own families and, at the same time, in the lives of fatherless children outside their own families. Not easy, but simple.

What kind of man are you? What's your simple answer?

Have I lost my Mind? Part II

It's common knowledge that Southerners wave at those they pass on the highway. My wife used to ask me, "Who was that?"

 "I don't know".

"Then why'd you wave?"

We do it without thinking. It's just part of the Southern culture. I've noticed tho, that we usually  do this more when driving through rural areas and small towns. You don't see people waving at random strangers in downtown Atlanta, for instance.

The conventional wisdom is that people outside the South wonder if you've lost your mind if you wave at strangers. I remember when I was a young child my Dad unthinkingly waved at some guy on a motorcycle in Lancaster, PA. He was rewarded with a middle finger salute. So I was warned before moving to Indiana that I would need to change my ways.

I'm sorry, I cant't help it. I just wave when I drive. Or if I'm just a passenger. I even wave at the Amish family riding by in their buggy. I'm so pleased when they wave back! I've even had people wave at me first! You can imagine my pleasure when that happens!

So, have I managed, by the sheer magnitude of my personality, to change the culture in Northwestern Indiana? I wish I could say that. It would be wonderful to have that kind of influence wouldn't it? I think the correct answer is that conventional wisdom is wrong. Sure, you go riding through downtown Goshen waving at everybody and you're gonna get some strange looks. You might even have someone wave back with an extended middle finger. But, out in the country-side, people occasionally wave at those they pass or someone driving by. It makes me smile and feel at home, especially when the wave is initiated by the other person. Yeah, I know, sometimes it's because they mistake me for someone else, but I'll take it!

There really are a lot of friendly people around here!

Relentless

Have you ever noticed that bad people never stop pursuing their wicked aims? The only thing that stopped Hitler's assault on Jewish people was the Allied Forces. Stalin oppressed his people until the day he died. Pol Pot was captured by His enemies immediately following a massacre he orchestrated. Idi Amin was finally stopped by his fellow countrymen who somehow found the strength to overthrow his government. More recently, several longtime leaders in the Arab world have been dethroned because people had had enough of their domineering, oppressive ways.




What stops good people?  Do good people have the same relentless drive to bless the people around them? Do they refuse to stop reaching out in love and kindness until they no longer have the strength to go on? 

Mother Teresa lived and died serving and loving the people of  India. Thousands of soldiers fight and give their lives to protect people they've never met from those who would oppress them. Social workers work long hours with huge work loads for meager pay because they care about little children and the elderly. Godly women volunteer every week in Crisis Pregnancy Center because they love women and the babies they are afraid they can't care for. That being said, I never heard of a Despot who suffered from burnout. 

There's another set of characters in this battle between good and evil. These are they who simply live their lives and never really take sides. These people are willing to tolerate a certain amount of  evil in the world. After all, there's not much they can do, they think. But they are so wrong! It is they who can break the stalemate. Those who are not in the game, who are doing neither much good nor much evil, can push either side to the tipping point. It is when these bystanders become so disgusted with the evil in their world that they must act that Evil is overthrown. Usually this means that Evil has grown large enough, strong enough to make them so uncomfortable  that they must act to save themselves. When things have reached this point Evil is so powerful that it cannot be overthrown without massive upheaval and destruction. Unfortunately, this means the good suffer greatly along with the bad.


President Kennedy said it so well when he repeated this quote. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”




Which way will you go?