How To Argue and Win

Perhaps you’ve heard it said that Politics and Religion should not be discussed.  I personally have decided to stop listening to political talk shows. Both sides, conservative and liberal, have a really hard time remaining civil. In nearly every political discussion in the media there is one or more of the following: name calling, accusing the other side of heinous motives, yelling, interrupting each other, attempting to monopolize the conversation, etc. Politicians themselves are guilty of such things. During election campaigns we call it “mudslinging”. This often includes subtle and not so subtle twisting of the truth.

Religious discussions are often just as ugly. Christian people often get very angry with each other over pretty minor details. There are literally hundreds of Christian denominations in the United States. These divisions are created and maintained because we can’t worship with people we believe are wrong. Some denominations refuse to let pastors ordained in other denominations to speak in their churches. Some will not observe the Sacred Rite of Communion with those who do not agree with them in nearly every detail. It is not uncommon to hear people verbally look down their nose at fellow Christians with whom they disagree. We Christians are a pretty dogmatic bunch and we’re fond of declaring “we can’t both be right”. We fail to recognize that we could indeed both be wrong.

              

           In all our religious and political huffing and puffing I fear we fail to change anyone’s mind. As Ben Franklin famously said “A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.”  We would do well to apply the wisdom of this statement in all our attempts to convince. And don’t forget the words of King Solomon, “A soft answer turns away wrath.”

Frustration!!!

S. Anthony Iannarino wrote a brilliant blog post titled “Forty-Five at Forty-Five.  It is a list of forty-five things he has learned in his forty-five years of life. #17 is especially insightful and bears repeating.  

“If you are frustrated with someone else, it isn’t his or her behavior that is frustrating you. It’s your lack of resourcefulness in dealing with their behavior or it’s that you are investing too much meaning in their behavior. “

What a challenging statement that is! So often when I feel frustration with someone else I put the blame on them. After all, if they would do what I wanted I wouldn’t be aggravated.

But what if I apply my God-given resourcefulness to the situation? Can I find a solution that will help me eliminate frustration? Is there a better way to communicate with coworkers? Can I reduce my frustration in my financial life by changing the way I spend my money? Could I deal with a serious illness more effectively by changing my attitude? Should I pursue a different treatment?

This statement by Mr. Iannarino has changed my approach to life. There is so much HOPE in recognizing that I don’t have to live with things as they are. I can change my approach, I can search for options, and I can change my attitude.

Does this statement resonate with you? How do you deal with frustration?

 Photo Credit http://www.flickr.com/photos/markkelley/253278143/

Title: Frustration

Christmas Bully

Bullying has become a big topic lately. FLOTUS (Secret Service lingo for First Lady of the United States) has made this a part of her agenda. As a result, we’ve begun to hear a lot about bullying. Of course, bullying is bad and no one wants to be accused of it. You hear “Racist” used by politicians to label people with whom they disagree in an effort to silence them. “Bully” will soon be an added weapon. Don’t believe me? Consider this:

Radio.foxnews.com reported this week that, according to some parents in Missouri, “Christmas songs are a form of bullying.” When you get your blood pressure back down and your jaw off the floor, I will give you my analysis of the situation.

Bullying has been around as long as people have been on the earth. We traditionally think of bullies as children being mean to other children. When adults mistreat other adults we generally call it intimidation, harassment, or assault. If an adult mistreats a child we refer to it as abuse.

You may be wondering how singing a Christmas song fits into that definition. I’ll let you read the article for yourself if you’re interested. Here’s the link:  http://radio.foxnews.com/toddstarnes/top-stories/parents-say-christmas-carols-are-form-of-bullying.html .

Here’s what I think. Demanding that other people stop what they are doing because you are offended can become a form of bullying. As I see it, the few using being offended to force the majority to change their behavior is bullying.  Or at least it could be. Someone claims to be offended, and maybe they are, then demands that everyone else stop doing whatever it is that offends them. I say “Deal with it.” Any number of things can offend me. In fact, I may be offended that you are offended. Now we have reached an impasse, haven't we?

My point is this. As a society we have begun to use the “I’m offended” ploy to force others to do what we want them to do. “You’re a bully” is just another wrinkle in the ”I’m offended” playbook. Sounds like bullying to me. What do you think? 

Meet TED

 

I would like to introduce you to my new friend, Ted. Ted is not a person, but an idea, a website, an event. The tagline just under the title header on the homepage of ted.com says “Riveting talks by remarkable people. Free to the world.”  

Here you will find videos of speeches made by people from all walks of life, from all over the world.  This includes doctors, prisoners, orphans, business people, politicians, and researchers. These speeches cover a vast variety of topics from a first-hand description of what it feels like to experience a stroke, to jihad, art, engineering, medicine, music and theatre. And that’s just what’s on the first page!

Just yesterday I listened to a speech titled “How to solve traffic jams”. Is he serious? Maybe he’s speaking tongue-in-check….. Check out Jonas Eliasson’s speech for yourself to discover which.   

If you hear something that you want to discuss further you can start an online conversation, or join one in progress, and give your thoughts on the topic.  Other people can respond to what you write and share their ideas. This allows you to see different sides of the topic and learn even more. It might even change your opinion on a particular topic.

My friend Ted is fascinating. Just be careful he doesn’t steal you away from your other friends, Twitter, Facebook, and Youtube……. or the living breathing people around you…..        

Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/shaundon/5757342705/">shaundon</a> / <a href="http://foter.com/Love/">Foter</a> / <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">CC BY-NC-SA</a>                                      

Blog You!

Blogs are wonderful. Most of us use them without realizing it. If you are on Facebook or Twitter you are using a blog. Granted, Facebook and Twitter are really micro blogs. But they are blogs none the less.  Much of what is posted on Twitter is simply a link to a regular blog.  Facebook is a great micro blogging platform for keeping up with friends and sharing your life with lots of people at once. It is so popular because it has made it easy for non-techies to upload pictures and give their thoughts in short snippets. Google + is another of the micro blogging platforms available. Google + is relatively new and under-utilized because Facebook got there first and people are slow to change. I believe that Google + has some really useful features that will make it more popular as time goes by.  

While micro blogs are great, you are missing some great information if you are not reading some full size blogs.  Blogs are used by businesses to inform their customers and to attract new ones. Individuals use blogs as a sort of public or semi-private journal.  Many individuals use blogging as a sort of self- publisher. They have something to share with the world and blogging is a great way to reach, potentially, almost everyone in the world with their message.

To whet your appetite, click on the links I’ve listed here to get started exploring the world of blogs.

http://thesalesblog.com/

http://4-guys.blogspot.com/ The official title of this one is Four Guys and a Lady. This is probably my favorite blog.

Do you have any blog recommendations for me? I’d love to hear what your favorites are.

Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/adesigna/3923138328/">adesigna</a> / <a href="http://foter.com">Foter</a> / <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">CC BY-NC-SA</a>

It's Never Over.... Til It's Over

 I am amazed and inspired by stories of people who continue to try after failing over and over again. Colonel Sanders was 65 and had just suffered the failure of his business when he started Kentucky Fried Chicken.  The venerable Abraham Lincoln failed numerous times in his quests as a politician before winning political office. We celebrate those who earn their diploma or a college degree because it demonstrates persistence and achievement. The most exciting victories in a sports contest involve a team overcoming a large scoring deficit to finish victorious.

Friday evening my wife and I personally witnessed just such a victory. The Women’s Volleyball team at the University of Notre Dame played their final home game of the season. The Irish lost the first set by eight points. The second set was close, but Notre Dame lost by 3. I was sure it was over midway through the third set. The Lady Irish were down again 15-7. But then something changed. 

I don’t know what happened, but, point by point the scores inched closer and closer until they were tied at 20 apiece. I could feel the excitement of the hometown fans building as they began to believe their beloved Irish would survive to play at least one more set. 25-22 Irish. The next set wasn’t even close as Notre Dame won handily by 9.  The last set was hardly a contest and Senior night at the Pavilion was a huge success.

I found myself pondering the mental activities of the two teams. Obviously, the Notre Dame team did not give up. Half way through the third set, down by 8, momentum shifted. Suddenly I began to believe they could win the set at least. And win they did. I have no doubt they also believed they could win it. And sometime in the fourth set the Cincinnati Bearcats began to believe they might lose. At a point about halfway through the final set it appeared they knew it was over.  What made the Irish team believe they could win?  What kept them from quitting down 8 points in the third, possibly final, set? And what happened that the Bearcats lost faith in themselves?

Persistence happens in your head first. It hinges on how you think and what you believe. So how must you think, what must you believe, in order to persevere?  

"The Raven" and The Fly

I’ve been intrigued by Mr. Poe since I was introduced to “The Raven” way back when.  He has written numerous short stories with a similar dark and somber tone. ?The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Telltale Heart" are two more of my favorites.  If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Poe’s work I’ll give you a brief overview.

The Raven is a poem written to describe the deep grief and despair Edgar felt at the loss of the love of his life. In his gloom he is visited by a Raven who sits in his room and taunts him with the knowledge that “Lenore” is gone forever.  It is a tale that it is both spooky and fascinating.

The Pit and the Pendulum is about a prisoner strapped to a table in the center of a rat infested pit. Above the prisoner a pendulum swings. The weight of the pendulum is a a sharpened blade.  As  the Pendulum swings the blade inches lower and lower in a slow march towards cutting him in two.

The Telltale Heart is about a guilty conscience. A murder hides his victim beneath the floor. When the police come to question him he imagines that everyone in the room can hear the heart of the dead man beating still.

So late this summer and into early fall, the flies got really bad around here. The found their way into our apartment and tormented me mercilessly. Then though I managed to kill a lot of them, they were never completely eradicated!

As I was continually irritated by these annoying insects I began to experience a mood much as I imagine Mr. Poe may have experienced while writing many of his dark tales. I imagined myself in a dark, dingy, prison cell. Day after day I have lain in this depressing cell. So secure is this tiny room, I can get no sense of the outside world. I can’t even hear the footsteps of whoever brings my tray of food twice each day.

And then, one happy, glorious day, as the tray slides thru the slot…………. a fly rides in on the mashed potatoes.

“Hello, Fly! Nice to see you! Where have you been all my life?”

“Buzzzzzz!”

“Here, would you like more potatoes?”

“Buzzzzz!”

“How about a drink of water?”

How do you think I’m gonna feel when that poor fly dies of old age in a month or two?  

It’s all a matter of perspective isn’t it?